Giving Yourself Grace, the greatest healing gift of all

“I need your grace to remind me to find my own”

These words from Snow Patrol’s song Chasing Cars always hit me right in the place that encourages me to self-inventory how I’m treating myself. 

They remind me that we (human beings) need to witness one another through our connections and communities offering kindness and grace to ourselves and others so that we may learn to do the same.

It is my cue to check in with myself, notice how I feel about myself and ask myself: Am I offering myself grace and kindness, which I have practiced for at least 13 consecutive years, or have I slipped back into some of my old subconscious patterns of being hard on myself, putting myself down, or talking to myself like a real a-hole?

I grew up hearing a steady stream of unkind words about myself and because it came from someone who was supposed to love and nurture me, I believed it. All of it, plus the bits I filled into the in-between spaces. By the time I arrived in adulthood, I was my own worst enemy. There is no one in my adult life who could be harder on me, or crueler to me, than me.

In the past, I offered myself no grace for even the slightest mistakes. I gave no grace to myself for being human, for needing to rest, for anything. I would offer grace to everyone but myself - often too much grace to those who mistreated me because I believed deep in my nervous system that I deserved it, and I felt more familiar in the discomfort than I did in grace. 

It is still a process for me to practice the opposite of what was so deeply woven into my subtle body through past experience and trauma, though I have made significant progress over the years…

It is important to highlight that even with tools, knowledge, a plan of action, and support systems in place it is still human to have setbacks in progress. This is simply being human, not a failure. It is a completely normal part of any person’s process or journey to practice or make effort towards a goal AND still have old patterns rise up occasionally.

The old crap comes up less often the more you practice, but it absolutely happens and it is NOT a setback or a progress reset or effort wasted. In fact, it is your nervous system starting to get with the NEW program, instead of the old programming, that allows you to see what you’re still holding onto in your bodymind so it can be acknowledged and addressed in alignment with your healing, growth, or transition journey.

If you need help giving yourself permission to be human, to make mistakes and not turn them into stories that support self-deprecation or old stories about your worth, then stick around here and check out resources, courses, and support options to learn more about the WHY and HOW of human struggles and suffering, as well as how to support your WHOLE self into a THRIVING life.